*ahem* Since it’s taking longer than I thought getting around to finishing my cartography project, and since I’m falling behind on my C++ coding, and since nobody has really lambasted my writing as of yet (No news is good news?), I figured I would do something completely random (to take a rest from cursed coding).
So … I was looking at one of the paragraphs I had freewritten, and I got to thinking, “Hey! This might make a snazzy poem!”
The victim:
A warm wind resting over a bay stirred from its slumber. With a graceful certainty, it drifted across the world, offering passage to clouds … scents … seeds … sailing vessels – Suddenly, it collided with colder winds and soared into the stratosphere. Over time, it descended until, finally, it settled upon a glade. Through the countless walls of ivy and oaks, it emerged upon a field of surging wild flowers which, as they swayed like ocean tides, revealed a young girl barely as tall.
The result:
‘Nymph of the Glade’
A warm summer wind
Resting over a bay
Stirred from its slumber;
Awakened to play;With graceful certainty,
Yet, uncertain terms,
Offered passage to clouds,
Scents, seeds, ships, and birds.Sailed it, o’er the world
With no concept of time
When, colliding with cool winds,
It climbed and it climbed.And, entering stratos;
Felt it, cold and strayed
Until, decades later,
Fell upon a glade,Where-past towering oaks,
And beyond ivy walls,
Flowers surged to reveal
A girl, barely as tall.Being that I hadn’t written a poem in over a decade, I thought it turned out pretty good! :)
In the original paragraph, I wasn’t even writing about a dryad (wood-nymph), but … the ‘magic’ of poetry turned the girl into one, anyway.
As usual, critiques are welcomed with open arms here for both poetry and prose.
Well … I guess that means it’s time to get back to coding. And then hopefully more map-making!
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You take to rhyming, which is good for the subject matter. It always seems to me that rhymed and rhythmed poetry works better for fantasy-based narrative poetry. Free verse is more reflective, not necessarily suited for narrative always.
The trick about rhythm is consistency, you’ve done a good job, but there are a few places where it breaks down to my ear. When I’m working with rhythm, I always try speaking my poem aloud to a steady beat. If I can’t make the words fit and sound good, I try and rewrite until I can.
I really like the last stanza: the girl intrigues me, even though she’s only in the very last line. Nice.
Comment by David King — March 31, 2008 @ 3:11 pm
Comment by cirellio — April 2, 2008 @ 10:56 pm